<3 I love her
My daughter and her rad GF
"you will learn that the saddest word in the english language is stay."
-the twelve-step program for life, M.K.
me: a lesbian.
Feelings on We Heart It.
Fell Asleep Crying - http://www.LiveLuvCreate.com
A letter to the heartbroken: Hey love, listen to me. I know it hurts. I know it feels like the valves of your heart are clamped and your heart is about to hemorrhage its way out of existence, bringing you and your bundle of veins, arteries and tiny capillaries along with it. Some days, everything you see is marred by them: your bed, that swing, that mall, even that fucking pen, and I understand that it makes you want to shrink and sink into the safety of your own self but you can’t even do that because the only place they haven’t touched is the spot below your bellybutton and that is not enough to sustain your soul. You reread the conversations and replay the memories and you spend the entirety of your History class trying to figure out if it was you or them - if you fucked up things all over again, and most of the time you’re so sure it was your fault so you keep writing angry letters in your bathroom mirror hoping they somehow see it and convince you otherwise. I know hun, I know.
It took me two years (and some) to get over my first love so I know about the letters, the nights under the covers with stuffed mouths and exhalations of poetry filled to the brim with 60% cussing and 40% love declarations, the plans of revenge, the insecurity, the unsent emails, the pissed off friends that all tell you to “just get over it”, the eye-rolls everytime his name pops up and you start looking like a lost puppy caught in the crossfire, the drunken calls, the places you can’t go to anymore and the line between I-love-you-please-come-back and fuck-you-it’s-your-loss where you can’t quite decide whether you’re sad or mad. But I also know that it gets better.
It may seem highly unlikely but you /will/ get over them. You will be able to breathe and smile and live without them. I swear. And that’s why you need to toughen up, baby. You got hurt, you fell and you need to take a step back. I get that. But don’t withdraw yourself from love just because you’re afraid of the pain. Love and pain always go hand in hand, my darling. Closing yourself off may mean never getting hurt, but it also means never falling in love. “You have to take the good with the bad”, that’s what my grandmother always told me and just like every single time with every single thing, she was right. So, take a deep breath, drown in their memories, stick their pictures deep within your ribcage, egg their house, mourn your guys’ love…Do whatever it takes, however long it takes for you to learn to get up, but don’t ever let yourself be scared of falling all over again.